A guy is sitting in a bar talking to his hand. The bartender asks him what he's doing and the guy says, "I'm using the telephone."
The bartender looks at him as if he's crazy and says, "No, you aren't, you are just talking in your hand."
The guy says, "No, I really am having a phone conversation--I had a micro chip and transmitter installed in my hand last week."
The bartender shrugs and goes about his business. A few minutes later the guy disappears into the bathroom and he's gone about forty-five minutes. The bartender starts to get worried so he goes into the men's room to see if the guy is okay. When he gets there, he finds the guy standing in the middle of the bathroom with both hands in the air, his pants down around his ankles and a roll of toilet paper stuck in his butt crack. The bartender is flabbergasted and so he asks, "What are you doing now?"
The guy replies, "I'm waiting for a fax."